... in Illinois, however, the process is more streamlined.
- Before the project can even be submitted for approval as a concept, bribes must be paid to the county commissioners, the building inspections department, the labor unions, city councilmen, state representatives, state senators, and the Lord Governor (may he be eternally praised!) himself.
- No project shall be proposed without a government grant playing a crucial role in the project. No grant will be approved unless the recipient is a blood relative of whoever is granting approval.
- Only the highest bid will be accepted, and only if the successful bidding contractor is related to whomever is approving bids.
- Drawings will be submitted and ignored until a bribe is paid. Speed of approval will depend solely on the size and substance of the bribe. Hookers and blow may be grease the wheels of progress.
- Financing will be withheld until bribes are paid.
- Once permits are issued (with the attendant bribes paid), the project can begin.
- Deconstruction of the bridge/viaduct (to be moved) must be performed with undocumented workers. A bribe must be paid to each union local who's members are not performing the work.
- Transportation of the bridge/viaduct materials shall be completed with teamster labor. Breaks will be taken every 15 minutes or 15 miles, whichever comes first.
- Cones must be placed in the roadway where the materials will travel from the original site to the building site. These cones shall be left in place until the plastic decomposes, or the sun burns itself out-- whichever comes first.
- Once the material arrives onsite, it must (by law) be stolen.
- Replacement material must be obtained from the building inspector's brother's lumberyard. This lumberyard must (by law) be located in another time-zone. Teamsters shall transport the material from the lumberyard to the jobsite in the manner described above.
- COVID testing will be done on all building materials. If a board or nail is found to have tested positive for COVID, all area restaurants will be shut down for a period not less than 6 months. Exceptions will be made for those with sufficient standing in the party.
- For construction to actually begin, a campaign contribution must be made to the Illinois Democratic Party. Once the district where the project is to occur is sufficiently represented with the appropriate approved candidate (in both the legislature and senate), construction can commence.
- A picket must be formed and manned continuously at the construction gate. Burn barrels and Irish coffee are required. This is an imperative-- every project within the borders of Illinois must have one.
- A bribe must be paid for the strike to end. Work will commence once spring comes.
- The project must (by law) go at least 100% over budget. Liens must be executed. Repossession must occur.
- The project, once repossessed, must be resold to a blood relative of whoever repossessed it. It is imperative that the government grant not be recovered, but that all banks, unions, and trust funds are made whole.
- Taxes must be paid. Lots and lots of taxes. A special "bridge district" shall have the power of levy for the entire state.
- Once the bridge/viaduct is open, there will be a toll for use. This toll shall not be less than the prevailing union wage for one hour's work. There shall be a "use tax" in addition to the toll.
- Police shall man the toll booths and patrol the span, ready (at a moment's notice) to fine anyone caught using or enjoying it.
- A gasoline tax shall be levied for the bridge/viaduct, but shall be diverted to funding state pensions.
- The bridge shall not be maintained, and must be either reconstructed or condemned within 5 years of erection.
- Fingers must be pointed. Speeches must be made. Taxes must be levied.
- The entire process must be repeated at the end of the bridge/viaduct's useful life.