Just to clarify the extent of my particular problem:
In my opus above, I mentioned not having finished the garage(s) in the new house. In 2015, we sold the place in the country with plenty of room, and built on a small lot in the center of an old (1850s) neighborhood in Morton. I went from having a 3-stall garage and full barn with heated floors to a couple of much smaller (his and hers) garage spaces with a small footprint, but ceiling high enough to install a couple of lifts.
Jeanie's side is only 13 ft wide, and doubles as her art studio. We need to store bikes over there, but hanging them so she can access them means encroaching on valuable space to the side of the minivan.
This was my solution-- built with a Harbor Freight winch, unistrut trolleys, and a bit of welding. It's a complex solution to a problem most people would have just lived with.
I'm pretty sure there's no cure for what I've got. I am what I am.