The Speedster Lunch

I was hungry so I decided to get something to eat. I spotted a fancy looking restaurant called Porsche and figured what the hell, walked in, sat, and after a look at the menu ordered their signature special: The Speedster Lunch a la Hoffmann.
“Very popular choice, sir,” said the waiter and he brought me a lovely looking if thin steak a bit undercooked with one line of mayonnaise on each side.
“There you go, sir! One Speedster Lunch special! Hope you enjoy it.”
I was a bit shocked because he set the steak squarely on the table without a plate, but I overlooked this eccentricity figuring fancy places always did weird shite, but I asked for some utensils and a glass of beer.
“Oh, NO, sir. This is how we always serve it. You know the slogan: It will make a man out of you.”
So, not knowing what else to do, I picked up the steak and had a bite. I admitted it was delicious even if the meat could’ve used a tad more cooking for my taste. I proceeded to eat noticing now that the seat was terribly uncomfortable. Again, I just figured it was part of fancy eccentric restaurants.
Halfway through my meat, the waiter hovered. Just to make conversation, I said, “Weather looks like she’s turning a tad inclement.”
At this he looked outside and nodded, “Right you are, sir. Rain is definitely on its way.” And then he proceeded to place a black napkin roughly on my head. Odd as this seemed, the next action was unforgivable. He poured a pitcher of cold water all over me.
“What the hell?”
“Oh, sir, all part of the Speedster lunch, but no concerns, we don’t charge extra for it.”
Really annoyed now, I asked for the bill: it was double the price of any other meal on Porsche’s menu.
“This is ridiculous!”
“But, sir, this meal was a favorite of many Hollywood celebrities.”
“Even so, why is it so damn expensive?”
“The rareness, sir. Just be glad you did not order the Speedster Lunch a la Barn Find. Those are just as expensive but we allow a rabid dog to chew on most of the meat before it’s served. Don’t tell I told you, but they are ugly looking things.”
I exited, walked down the street and had a grilled cheese and a cold beer at a cheap counter-style joint. It tasted wonderful. They even gave me a napkin to dry my hair.

Original Post

You should have looked for Speedster Replica Restaurant around the block. Service is faster, more refined, least expensive and the waitresses will top up your favorite brew.

And for dessert, "Patina Pie". It tastes just like regular pie, but gives you ignition indigestion and the runs of regret.

 

Eric, I've often wondered how that place stays in business charging what it does for that kind of food.

When I'm out for a bite, I eat where Nolan does.

And, it was most diplomatic of you not to mention that the waiter wasn't wearing any clothes.

 

Nolan posted:

You should have looked for Speedster Replica Restaurant around the block. Service is faster, more refined, least expensive and the waitresses will top up your favorite brew.

They still pour cold water on your head though.

Add Reply

Post Content
×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×
×